Somewhere Along the Way

I don’t know when I stopped noticing the sky. I want to start again.

It’s not one big moment I can point to. It’s more like I got so used to moving fast that slow started to feel wrong, like I was forgetting something, even when I wasn’t. Everything became about getting through the day instead of being in it. I’d walk outside and not really be outside. Just passing through on my way to the next thing.

Somebody could ask me how the weather was and I’d have to actually think about it. Not because I didn’t go outside. Because I wasn’t paying attention when I did.

I used to notice things without trying. Now noticing feels like a task I have to remember to do, which kind of defeats the point. You shouldn’t have to schedule stillness. It should just show up sometimes, uninvited, the way it used to.

I’m not trying to become a different person over this. I just miss the version of me who looked up without being told to. Who noticed the sky was doing something before somebody had to point it out.

I don’t know exactly how to get that back. I think it starts with just looking up on purpose, even when nothing’s telling me to. Even if it feels forced at first. Eventually maybe it stops feeling forced and just feels like mine again.